While visiting grandma's house over the holiday break there was a television on in the background playing Christmas music and scrolling through holiday trivia: candy cane's origins, benefits of christmas trees, etc.
One of the things that jumped out at me was the length of time many of these "traditional" things had been around. Many had been around for under two generations.
Marketing has lied to us before, like when doctors told us which cigarettes to smoke. And yet we still come back around to marketing with a trustworthy look like a dog after you fake throw his toy. A ploy that marketers love is aging something to make it more trustworthy. This has been this way forever, you should do it.
But the truth is, most of what we do now has only been going on for a hundred years or much much less.
God was added to the Pledge of Allegiance in the fifties and then immediately treated as though Thomas Jefferson put it there himself. That's solid marketing.
The moral of my story is that what if we are the first generation buying something, but the only reason we are buying it is because we are under the influence that other generations bought it before us.
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
How to be Lazy Better
Roger Bannister was not the fastest runner when he became the fastest runner. He was the first person to break the four minute mile, and as soon as he did it a wave of other runners followed suit because their minds could accept that it was possible. And as I stated, Roger was not the fastest.
He was fast, but he was really a doctor. He was in his early 20's and wanted to study but knew he was capable of something special. So he trained an hour or less five days a week. That's 5 hours of training to do something that was literally at the time impossible.
No 10,000 hours. In the year leading up to breaking the four minute mile he did 2% of 10,000 hours.
Roger Bannister is not lazy, he even got his Knighthood from the queen mum. Roger wanted to run fast and so he didn't waste time running slow. He could have but because of the fact that he wanted other things more he didn't.
He is what I will now term selectively lazy. It sounds like something Tim Ferries would say so just in case I stole that from him somewhere, thanks Tim.
Selectively lazy is when you don't do the ancillary work that others do because others do it. You have to run a 100 miles a week because everyone is running a hundred miles a week. You have to spend 50 hours in the office because everyone is spending 50 hours in the office.
Nature abhors a vacuum and our very nature pushes us that if we have the time/money/energy we should fill up any vacuum.
The only way to combat this is to choose to do something else that you love. Fill up that vacuum with something that has purpose and meaning. I don't think Roger hated running, you don't try and break the 4 minute mile unless there is some drive/desire/passion for the sport. But I think he understood that he would actually do better if he didn't lose himself in the training.
I wonder how many fields or endeavors would have major break throughs if we looked at them through the same lens?
He was fast, but he was really a doctor. He was in his early 20's and wanted to study but knew he was capable of something special. So he trained an hour or less five days a week. That's 5 hours of training to do something that was literally at the time impossible.
No 10,000 hours. In the year leading up to breaking the four minute mile he did 2% of 10,000 hours.
Roger Bannister is not lazy, he even got his Knighthood from the queen mum. Roger wanted to run fast and so he didn't waste time running slow. He could have but because of the fact that he wanted other things more he didn't.
He is what I will now term selectively lazy. It sounds like something Tim Ferries would say so just in case I stole that from him somewhere, thanks Tim.
Selectively lazy is when you don't do the ancillary work that others do because others do it. You have to run a 100 miles a week because everyone is running a hundred miles a week. You have to spend 50 hours in the office because everyone is spending 50 hours in the office.
Nature abhors a vacuum and our very nature pushes us that if we have the time/money/energy we should fill up any vacuum.
The only way to combat this is to choose to do something else that you love. Fill up that vacuum with something that has purpose and meaning. I don't think Roger hated running, you don't try and break the 4 minute mile unless there is some drive/desire/passion for the sport. But I think he understood that he would actually do better if he didn't lose himself in the training.
I wonder how many fields or endeavors would have major break throughs if we looked at them through the same lens?
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Invisible Scripts
When a really bad piece of technology comes out it hits the market, gets panned as terrible, and then disappears. When bad science is pushed, the universe doesn't respond. However, when bad ideas are accepted they create belief systems that can damage us simply by existing.
Somebody I know has a four year degree. They have had a job since the day they finished college. They have had a really good paying job since they were married. They had one bad year out of fifteen, and by bad they were within $10k of the average annual salary in the US. They believe they are not rich. Furthermore, they believe they have struggled with being poor.
Belief systems are dangerous because when we believe something we stop looking to see if it is true or not. We also tend to agree that beliefs are both personal and factual. I am allowed to believe I have struggled with poverty because I am free to believe whatever I want to believe. I also would not believe anything unless it was true (read factual).
Our underlying belief systems, or invisible scripts, dictate how we interact with the world.
I can say I'm not a racist and believe I'm not a racist but when I'm in a gas station at 2am and a large african american man walks in my body shows me what I believe.
Beliefs are easy to have in your mind but amazingly difficult to have in your heart.
I can believe that pre-marital sex is wrong, but I've been dating my wife since I was a teenager and having sex with her inside the confines of marriage since my very early 20's. There is really no way of knowing what the belief in my heart is because I don't have to prove it.
Often times we espouse beliefs because we know we don't have to prove it or there is no way of proving it.
As a side note on how beliefs can physically affect our lives, college football makes all of it's money in exactly the same way that large financial companies make much of their money. They take the sweat and blood of young men who think they are the exception and burn it as fuel. Every young financial advisor thinks he is the next Warren Buffett just as much as every young football player thinks he is the next Jerry Rice.
Young men are not getting abused by a system, their invisible scripts that they are special are getting abused by a system. The same belief system can be seen in sports where there is no chance of making money. I ran track in college believing I was the next Edwin Moses fully knowing that even Edwin didn't make that much money.
Our invisible scripts can deeply affect our visible lives. It does not matter if you know what those beliefs are or don't know what those beliefs are, they are a part of you and an influencer daily. This is why difficult situations and bad times are so valuable, because only in experience can we see where our heart lies.
We should relish every part of our lives, particularly the hard parts, and come away from every experience with one of two things:
1) Was the invisible script that just became visible something I want to keep?
2) Is there a new script I want to write for next time?
Somebody I know has a four year degree. They have had a job since the day they finished college. They have had a really good paying job since they were married. They had one bad year out of fifteen, and by bad they were within $10k of the average annual salary in the US. They believe they are not rich. Furthermore, they believe they have struggled with being poor.
Belief systems are dangerous because when we believe something we stop looking to see if it is true or not. We also tend to agree that beliefs are both personal and factual. I am allowed to believe I have struggled with poverty because I am free to believe whatever I want to believe. I also would not believe anything unless it was true (read factual).
Our underlying belief systems, or invisible scripts, dictate how we interact with the world.
I can say I'm not a racist and believe I'm not a racist but when I'm in a gas station at 2am and a large african american man walks in my body shows me what I believe.
Beliefs are easy to have in your mind but amazingly difficult to have in your heart.
I can believe that pre-marital sex is wrong, but I've been dating my wife since I was a teenager and having sex with her inside the confines of marriage since my very early 20's. There is really no way of knowing what the belief in my heart is because I don't have to prove it.
Often times we espouse beliefs because we know we don't have to prove it or there is no way of proving it.
As a side note on how beliefs can physically affect our lives, college football makes all of it's money in exactly the same way that large financial companies make much of their money. They take the sweat and blood of young men who think they are the exception and burn it as fuel. Every young financial advisor thinks he is the next Warren Buffett just as much as every young football player thinks he is the next Jerry Rice.
Young men are not getting abused by a system, their invisible scripts that they are special are getting abused by a system. The same belief system can be seen in sports where there is no chance of making money. I ran track in college believing I was the next Edwin Moses fully knowing that even Edwin didn't make that much money.
Our invisible scripts can deeply affect our visible lives. It does not matter if you know what those beliefs are or don't know what those beliefs are, they are a part of you and an influencer daily. This is why difficult situations and bad times are so valuable, because only in experience can we see where our heart lies.
We should relish every part of our lives, particularly the hard parts, and come away from every experience with one of two things:
1) Was the invisible script that just became visible something I want to keep?
2) Is there a new script I want to write for next time?
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
strengths finder 3.0
I can't remember the last time I heard anybody say "There are some things you are not allowed to do" besides when I wear white jeans in February. I've never actually worn white jeans. I wonder if I've ever told myself it was just something I wasn't allowed to do, apparently I have.
I hate hearing what I have to do.
Kelsey thinks it's being a middle child. She hates it to.
I understand I can't do some things, like wear white jeans, but when I have to do something it is so much worse.
I've been lifting and trying to put on a little muscle. The voice in my head goes nuts when I tell myself I have to eat more protein. Nobody can tell me what to do, not even myself. So I'm typing this with tiny arms and tired hands.
I've always thought I had a difficult time with follow through or habits or whatever words self help gurus fancy. What I truly struggle with is waking up and knowing I have to do something.
Seth Godin once wrote about people who wished they could redo yesterday. He then poignantly states that most of us know exactly what tomorrow is going to look like. He then asks the question, if you could do tomorrow all over again what would you do?
So I know that most of my life is already predetermined actions, and yet I fight with the have to.
I had an old boss call me lazy. I had started with a team of ten and was the seventh person to quit, right after I quite another guy left. Even on a curve 20% is a failing grade. So did he call me lazy because he needed to reassure himself that the enterprise he was a part of was not broken but rather 80% of the people he chose were broken?
Maybe.
But more likely he told me I was lazy because I would do anything I had to do to make that job work except follow the "rules" they had set up in the 1950's for success. He loved those rules.
I once worked at a job where we had 13 internal meetings each and every week. The problem wasn't the meetings, it was that I had to go to them. I'm actually great in meetings, I'm witty and there isn't any actual work to do as long as you are meeting.
Sometimes we feel a certain way because it is the correct way to feel. Following marketing rules from a time before the internet existed is stupid. Spending one out of every three working hours each week in a meeting is stupid. Not eating chicken because it is what you have to do to gain muscle is sabotage.
There are some things we are good at. I'm good at finding things that don't need to be done.
The challenge is being self aware of how we use our strengths to overpower our intelligence or to reinforce resistance to what we really should be doing.
I hate hearing what I have to do.
Kelsey thinks it's being a middle child. She hates it to.
I understand I can't do some things, like wear white jeans, but when I have to do something it is so much worse.
I've been lifting and trying to put on a little muscle. The voice in my head goes nuts when I tell myself I have to eat more protein. Nobody can tell me what to do, not even myself. So I'm typing this with tiny arms and tired hands.
I've always thought I had a difficult time with follow through or habits or whatever words self help gurus fancy. What I truly struggle with is waking up and knowing I have to do something.
Seth Godin once wrote about people who wished they could redo yesterday. He then poignantly states that most of us know exactly what tomorrow is going to look like. He then asks the question, if you could do tomorrow all over again what would you do?
So I know that most of my life is already predetermined actions, and yet I fight with the have to.
I had an old boss call me lazy. I had started with a team of ten and was the seventh person to quit, right after I quite another guy left. Even on a curve 20% is a failing grade. So did he call me lazy because he needed to reassure himself that the enterprise he was a part of was not broken but rather 80% of the people he chose were broken?
Maybe.
But more likely he told me I was lazy because I would do anything I had to do to make that job work except follow the "rules" they had set up in the 1950's for success. He loved those rules.
I once worked at a job where we had 13 internal meetings each and every week. The problem wasn't the meetings, it was that I had to go to them. I'm actually great in meetings, I'm witty and there isn't any actual work to do as long as you are meeting.
Sometimes we feel a certain way because it is the correct way to feel. Following marketing rules from a time before the internet existed is stupid. Spending one out of every three working hours each week in a meeting is stupid. Not eating chicken because it is what you have to do to gain muscle is sabotage.
There are some things we are good at. I'm good at finding things that don't need to be done.
The challenge is being self aware of how we use our strengths to overpower our intelligence or to reinforce resistance to what we really should be doing.
Monday, August 31, 2015
Guilt and Shame
Driving past a church recently they had posted "no guilt and shame here".
Sure, we get where that is coming from. Later that week I heard a story from a preacher who said he had a friend who was an alcoholic. That friend decided one morning, still drunk and smelling like it, to just give church a single try. He said he sat in the back and felt so much condemnation and judgment that he will never go back into a church.
My favorite way of stopping people from doing something is to use guilt as well.
"HEY JERKS, STOP SHAMING PEOPLE, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED FOR ACTING LIKE THAT"
In general I agree that shame and guilt are bad when they hang on to people like a shackled lead ball keeping them from living life. But no shame a guilt is insanity.
If I kill somebody, chop them up and keep them in my freezer and feel no guilt all of society agrees I'm insane.
If I go home and slap my kid because I'm annoyed, nobody is judging me when they say I'm a bad person. I am a bad person and should be ashamed of who I am.
Where shame is bad is when somebody abused you and that shame is shackled to you holding you back from your own life.
Where guilt is bad is if you are found guilty of a crime, you pay your fines and do your time but afterward you choose a life of crime because, hey, once a criminal always a criminal.
Taking medicine is good when you are sick. Taking medicine when you are not sick is addiction.
Sure, we get where that is coming from. Later that week I heard a story from a preacher who said he had a friend who was an alcoholic. That friend decided one morning, still drunk and smelling like it, to just give church a single try. He said he sat in the back and felt so much condemnation and judgment that he will never go back into a church.
My favorite way of stopping people from doing something is to use guilt as well.
"HEY JERKS, STOP SHAMING PEOPLE, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED FOR ACTING LIKE THAT"
In general I agree that shame and guilt are bad when they hang on to people like a shackled lead ball keeping them from living life. But no shame a guilt is insanity.
If I kill somebody, chop them up and keep them in my freezer and feel no guilt all of society agrees I'm insane.
If I go home and slap my kid because I'm annoyed, nobody is judging me when they say I'm a bad person. I am a bad person and should be ashamed of who I am.
Where shame is bad is when somebody abused you and that shame is shackled to you holding you back from your own life.
Where guilt is bad is if you are found guilty of a crime, you pay your fines and do your time but afterward you choose a life of crime because, hey, once a criminal always a criminal.
Taking medicine is good when you are sick. Taking medicine when you are not sick is addiction.
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
sticking it to yourself
See if this doesn't ring true for you.
I decide to do something for a reason. Then in my doing the thing, I do it in such a way as to ruin the original reason of why I was doing it.
Let's get a little tacky and add some deets.
I decide that I want to have a relaxing day with the family. So I pick a hike for us to go on. Then I don't prepare so right before we leave I'm tearing around the house trying to find the cooler, get kids in the right shoes and yelling at everybody. Then I'm feeling guilty because we left three hours later then we should. Then I'm hiking in the middle of the day and it's roughly a hundred and fifty degrees. Then we all get back to the house and in my hustle to get ready I wrecked the place so it's a nightmare walking back in. The day ends, everybody is exhausted from relaxing and hoping super dad will just have a drink and leave them alone for the remainder of the day.
Then I pay for it all the following day when I have to clean all day just to get back even.
Why do we do that? Why do we sabotage. Let me throw another example.
We want a place to escape. So we buy a cabin in the woods. Then we feel guilty most of the time because we never go there. Then when we do go there, we have to work the whole time because we've been neglecting it for months.
How come when we want something we don't ask why? Then ask why again. Then again. Then solve those problems.
I want to escape. Why? Because I'm feeling stressed in my life. Why? Because we go all the time and it's noisy and hectic. Why? Because I can't prioritize my days to fit in things that I need to (quiet meditation time) and want to (making a meal).
Then, instead of buying a $100k cabin and sticking it to myself I buy an $8 day planner and start building in time for each family member to get quiet time and vocalize the things they actually enjoy doing.
And in the end, if we want to spend a weekend in a cabin, we just rent one for $500. We are then forced to go because we only rented it for that one weekend, and there is no guilt afterward, just the memories.
There is plenty of life that is going to stick it to you. Don't stick it to yourself.
I decide to do something for a reason. Then in my doing the thing, I do it in such a way as to ruin the original reason of why I was doing it.
Let's get a little tacky and add some deets.
I decide that I want to have a relaxing day with the family. So I pick a hike for us to go on. Then I don't prepare so right before we leave I'm tearing around the house trying to find the cooler, get kids in the right shoes and yelling at everybody. Then I'm feeling guilty because we left three hours later then we should. Then I'm hiking in the middle of the day and it's roughly a hundred and fifty degrees. Then we all get back to the house and in my hustle to get ready I wrecked the place so it's a nightmare walking back in. The day ends, everybody is exhausted from relaxing and hoping super dad will just have a drink and leave them alone for the remainder of the day.
Then I pay for it all the following day when I have to clean all day just to get back even.
Why do we do that? Why do we sabotage. Let me throw another example.
We want a place to escape. So we buy a cabin in the woods. Then we feel guilty most of the time because we never go there. Then when we do go there, we have to work the whole time because we've been neglecting it for months.
How come when we want something we don't ask why? Then ask why again. Then again. Then solve those problems.
I want to escape. Why? Because I'm feeling stressed in my life. Why? Because we go all the time and it's noisy and hectic. Why? Because I can't prioritize my days to fit in things that I need to (quiet meditation time) and want to (making a meal).
Then, instead of buying a $100k cabin and sticking it to myself I buy an $8 day planner and start building in time for each family member to get quiet time and vocalize the things they actually enjoy doing.
And in the end, if we want to spend a weekend in a cabin, we just rent one for $500. We are then forced to go because we only rented it for that one weekend, and there is no guilt afterward, just the memories.
There is plenty of life that is going to stick it to you. Don't stick it to yourself.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
crossfit and functional fitness
crossfit was formed ostensibly for people to become functionally fit. The problem is, now it is just a "sport" about working out. If you look at the athletes, I would argue there is equal functionality to a 6'6" 340 lb lineman in the nfl. Both are perfectly built for what they do, functionality however is a funny word.
The problem with functional fitness is that almost none of us need to be fit at all. If somebody weighed four hundred pounds they could still function in my current life. Possibly less happy, possibly losing some of the mobility of things I enjoy but they would be more or less functional.
The most fit I have ever been was during my sophomore year of college when I was training as an All-American track and field sprinter. But at that point I weighed 135 pounds at 5'10".
My most muscular was when I ran a construction company, I would stare at myself in the mirror and wonder how I could look so good and feel so bad. Every day hurt, and work was actually work.
Both times, the goal was not fitness, it was respectively to be as fast as possible and to try to make money by working more.
We have rejected holiness in our religion because if we pursue holiness then we are admitting that there are times when we and others are not holy, and that is judgemental.
I think we love fitness because we are allowed to tell somebody "I'm just trying to be healthier".
Let's say you are out on the town, and you have a drink with a friend. You are about to order a second and the friend says:
A) No thanks, I'm trying to be healthier so I'm just going to stop at one.
B) No thanks, I'm trying to be holier so I'm just going to stop at one.
One of those answers makes you think your friend is trying to be better and one makes you think your friend is a self righteous blowhard .
The reason we feel that way about people trying to holy is because we all have had a friend who was working on being holy and they simply became ridiculous. They turned judgey and went overboard on a lot of things.
These people took the functional holiness that Jesus offers us and turned it into crossfit.
Jesus did twenty pullups, I can do thirty and then climb a rope.
The problem with functional fitness is that almost none of us need to be fit at all. If somebody weighed four hundred pounds they could still function in my current life. Possibly less happy, possibly losing some of the mobility of things I enjoy but they would be more or less functional.
The most fit I have ever been was during my sophomore year of college when I was training as an All-American track and field sprinter. But at that point I weighed 135 pounds at 5'10".
My most muscular was when I ran a construction company, I would stare at myself in the mirror and wonder how I could look so good and feel so bad. Every day hurt, and work was actually work.
Both times, the goal was not fitness, it was respectively to be as fast as possible and to try to make money by working more.
We have rejected holiness in our religion because if we pursue holiness then we are admitting that there are times when we and others are not holy, and that is judgemental.
I think we love fitness because we are allowed to tell somebody "I'm just trying to be healthier".
Let's say you are out on the town, and you have a drink with a friend. You are about to order a second and the friend says:
A) No thanks, I'm trying to be healthier so I'm just going to stop at one.
B) No thanks, I'm trying to be holier so I'm just going to stop at one.
One of those answers makes you think your friend is trying to be better and one makes you think your friend is a self righteous blowhard .
The reason we feel that way about people trying to holy is because we all have had a friend who was working on being holy and they simply became ridiculous. They turned judgey and went overboard on a lot of things.
These people took the functional holiness that Jesus offers us and turned it into crossfit.
Jesus did twenty pullups, I can do thirty and then climb a rope.
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Weakness and Strength
There is a section of a letter Paul wrote where he quotes God saying to him "..My strength comes into its own in your weakness." (2 Cor 12:10 MSG).
I've always struggled with that, because it seems that God wants me to be a failure so he can show his forgiveness (at least that is how I always read it). I've been wrong for so long that when I see that verse I just kind of shrug and move on because I don't like to wrestle in my mind when I disagree with the Bible.
But that is laziness.
So I started to wrestle with it. And what I found is God is never happy that we are fallen. He didn't start the story like that and he hopes the story doesn't end like that.
God is happy when he gets be God in a personal way to one individual.
So I've always read weakness as me sinning. Because when I do something that I don't want to do my response is to try and stop doing it. But I don't stop. So then doing the wrong is my weakness.
But that is wrong. My weakness is not the thing, my weakness is my inability to stop doing the thing. I'm actually really strong at doing the wrong things. So we get rid of the word weakness and replace it with inability (this holds up under scrutiny when you look at the greek word for weakness). So God's strength is shown when I have an inability. But obviously it is not shown in my inability, it is shown when I am now able.
So God's strength is shown when I am strong doing something I was unable to do alone. It is in the doing God is shown, not in my failing. God wants to be shown in my success.
God doesn't want me to fail. God wants me succeed and he want's to give me what I need to succeed and he want's me accept and acknowledge him giving it to me. That's called a relationship. And I think I'm finally ready to be in a relationship with God where I'm better for being in that relationship. God calls my being better holiness.
I've always struggled with that, because it seems that God wants me to be a failure so he can show his forgiveness (at least that is how I always read it). I've been wrong for so long that when I see that verse I just kind of shrug and move on because I don't like to wrestle in my mind when I disagree with the Bible.
But that is laziness.
So I started to wrestle with it. And what I found is God is never happy that we are fallen. He didn't start the story like that and he hopes the story doesn't end like that.
God is happy when he gets be God in a personal way to one individual.
So I've always read weakness as me sinning. Because when I do something that I don't want to do my response is to try and stop doing it. But I don't stop. So then doing the wrong is my weakness.
But that is wrong. My weakness is not the thing, my weakness is my inability to stop doing the thing. I'm actually really strong at doing the wrong things. So we get rid of the word weakness and replace it with inability (this holds up under scrutiny when you look at the greek word for weakness). So God's strength is shown when I have an inability. But obviously it is not shown in my inability, it is shown when I am now able.
So God's strength is shown when I am strong doing something I was unable to do alone. It is in the doing God is shown, not in my failing. God wants to be shown in my success.
God doesn't want me to fail. God wants me succeed and he want's to give me what I need to succeed and he want's me accept and acknowledge him giving it to me. That's called a relationship. And I think I'm finally ready to be in a relationship with God where I'm better for being in that relationship. God calls my being better holiness.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
what to do with people we hate
I'm overly everything. I tend to go off the deep end, and one of those deep ends is getting very frustrated with people, usually people I really want to reach their potential who seemingly don't care. But in all of this, I have to remember one basic tenant of my own belief system:
Everybody I hate is either going to heaven or hell. Stop hating somebody you have to spend eternity with in God's love or somebody who is about to spend eternity in separation and pain.
In the shadow of eternity, love is the only response.
Everybody I hate is either going to heaven or hell. Stop hating somebody you have to spend eternity with in God's love or somebody who is about to spend eternity in separation and pain.
In the shadow of eternity, love is the only response.
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