See if this doesn't ring true for you.
I decide to do something for a reason. Then in my doing the thing, I do it in such a way as to ruin the original reason of why I was doing it.
Let's get a little tacky and add some deets.
I decide that I want to have a relaxing day with the family. So I pick a hike for us to go on. Then I don't prepare so right before we leave I'm tearing around the house trying to find the cooler, get kids in the right shoes and yelling at everybody. Then I'm feeling guilty because we left three hours later then we should. Then I'm hiking in the middle of the day and it's roughly a hundred and fifty degrees. Then we all get back to the house and in my hustle to get ready I wrecked the place so it's a nightmare walking back in. The day ends, everybody is exhausted from relaxing and hoping super dad will just have a drink and leave them alone for the remainder of the day.
Then I pay for it all the following day when I have to clean all day just to get back even.
Why do we do that? Why do we sabotage. Let me throw another example.
We want a place to escape. So we buy a cabin in the woods. Then we feel guilty most of the time because we never go there. Then when we do go there, we have to work the whole time because we've been neglecting it for months.
How come when we want something we don't ask why? Then ask why again. Then again. Then solve those problems.
I want to escape. Why? Because I'm feeling stressed in my life. Why? Because we go all the time and it's noisy and hectic. Why? Because I can't prioritize my days to fit in things that I need to (quiet meditation time) and want to (making a meal).
Then, instead of buying a $100k cabin and sticking it to myself I buy an $8 day planner and start building in time for each family member to get quiet time and vocalize the things they actually enjoy doing.
And in the end, if we want to spend a weekend in a cabin, we just rent one for $500. We are then forced to go because we only rented it for that one weekend, and there is no guilt afterward, just the memories.
There is plenty of life that is going to stick it to you. Don't stick it to yourself.