Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Wine is the most offensive thing ever created

I for one, like my Jesus to party.

I love the fact that Jesus's first miracle was turning water into wine.  And not just wine, the best wine the people at the party have ever tasted.  And not just some wine, over 900 bottles of wine.

Literally, my favorite Biblical story, meme, story arc, whatever, ever.

But let me dig into that a little more, let me tell you why I think that this miracle had a little more to do with some deeper things than just tuxedo t-shirts.

Satan can not create.  It is a critical distinction that satan himself hates.  That is why, above all, he abhors women.  Woman initiated the fall in the garden, but from a woman Jesus himself was born.  Women create life, literally.

Satan can only do two things: Lie and distort the truth.

So Jesus comes down, he is getting ready to be all, you know, God on earth.  His mother comes to him and tells him a fact (they are running out of wine), and Jesus responds (so what).  Without regard to Jesus, Mary turns to the servants and says, "Do whatever he says".

This is astonishing.  Jesus literally confronts his own mother, and her faith is so strong she simply pushes straight through it.  This wasn't even supposed to be part of the blog post but I picked up my Bible and that part slapped me in the face.

So Jesus turns water at a party into wine, a miracle, end of story right.

He didn't turn WATER, he turned ritualistic cleansing water.  He took what we, human beings, used to ritually prepare ourselves the way the Bible tells us in the old testament, and turns it into wine.

So Jesus turns water at a PARTY into wine, a miracle, end of story right.

It's not just a party, its a wedding.  The bride and groom.  Jesus loves weddings even though he is single his whole life, why is that?  It's because when a man marries a woman, they become one, and in becoming one they get as close to God as anyone can.

God created man and he created woman, God is neither.  That means man has something from God and Woman has something from God.  When they get married the Bible states "They become one flesh".  I believe that in that oneness, a married couple who both have the holy spirit are as close to the trinity as can be understood.

So Jesus turns water at a party into WINE, a miracle, end of story right.

Do you know what wine is.

Wine is grapes, grown in a vineyard (back to this later), stored for a set amount of time (back to this later) and then consumed (back to this later).

For a vineyard to create wine, they start growing grapes.  And then for seven batches of grapes they throw them away, because the vineyard has to mature.  Once the vineyard has matured then the grapes are ready to be turned into wine.

Next, the grapes are crushed, turned into juice and then stored so that they can ferment.  This can take anywhere from six months to many, many years.  Since this was the best wine these guests have ever tasted, we are to believe that this wine had been resting for quite a long time.

Lastly, after all that hard work of preparing a vineyard, waiting for the grapes to mature, watching the juice sit for year after year, the wine is poured into a cup and drunk.  What a waste.

Satan can not create anything.  But Jesus, in his first miracle, takes something that is a creation of it's own, grapes, twists time on its head and serves fresh wine (also impossible) that is the best the wedding goers had ever tasted, and all they do is say thank you and drink it.

Jesus bends time, he bends work, he bends religious practice and he does so flippantly directly after saying "it's not my time".  He slaps Satan in the face, almost just for fun.  But Jesus himself was this very wine.

He bent space and time, he poured himself out and he wants nothing more than us to say thank you and drink from the well, filled with the best wine we have ever tasted, that never runs dry.